Is posting this late in the day weird? I’ve never really been sure if morning or night would be better. I guess we’ll find out.
Y’all the sun came out this weekend and there are no words to express the impact it has had on my mental health. The last few weeks have been rough–really rough. I’ve pretty much been stuck in varying levels of sensory overload for the last two weeks. Which means I struggle immensely getting out of bed to go to work and I spend literally all day every day with that knot of panic and dread sitting in my stomach. And that sucks. Like a lot.
Even better–while I was already living on the edge of a panic attack–I got to start my Wednesday calling 911 on my neighbors. I was in my kitchen, making my breakfast, minding my own business, when a girl on the other side of the wall (presumably his ex-girlfriend, but they have a baby together) started screaming bloody murder. She was screaming at one of the guys to let her go, that he had hit her. He was shouting back about how she deserves it for disrespecting him (Yeah. Seriously). All while his roommate apparently stood by doing nothing. I was terrified I was going to hear her go down the stairs. When I unfroze and called 911 I legit couldn’t even remember my address to give them. So after that got dealt with I called in to work and crawled back into bed because I had officially blown past the level of anxiety I can handle while still functioning. It was bad. But I spent the day watching Criminal Minds, so that was nice.
But I still felt like shit at work Thursday and Friday.
And then Saturday came. The sun came out. It was 60 degrees outside. I legit almost cried from joy. My roommate Tim played “First Time in Forever” from Frozen and we ran around the house singing “the window is open, so is that door! I didn’t know that did that anymore!” while we opened all the windows in the house for the first time since October. It was magical. Fucking magical.
Joe, Tim, and I went on a walk/job/PokemonGo adventure early Saturday afternoon. Our neighborhood is quite the Pokemon hotspot, but it is definitively lacking in Pokestops unfortunately. But still, we managed to find some of the newly introduced Gen 2 pokemon. I am, however, still waiting for my Chikorita to find me.
I’m really looking forward to finally being able to explore our cities. We live right between Royal Oak and Ferndale, but since we moved in so close to winter we never really got a chance to wander around. There are so many restaurants and cute little shops around us, and I just really want to get to know the area. I want to actually feel like a local, if that makes sense. I also bought a bike this weekend, so now I can become one of those city people who ride their bike everywhere instead of driving. I’ve always wanted to live somewhere I could do that, and I’m really excited to start taking advantage of being able to.
I’m getting ready to go to bed now, and that always makes me weirdly nervous after I’ve had a good day in terms of my mental health, because what if I wake up feeling like shit again? There is nothing worse than going to bed feeling good and optimistic and waking up full of apathy, dread, and panic. I felt like a functioning human being for the first time in weeks this weekend. I just really don’t want that to go away. But for now, I’m going to take my bra off (why am I still wearing it? I’m as confused as you) climb into bed and enjoy the rest of my feel good evening.
I realize I’m just rambling. But also that was kind of the point of this post I suppose. I want to make it a series, just sort of checking in with what’s been going on. I always love reading those posts from other people, so I figured why not, right? What do you guys think?
Did you get this crazy warm weather too? I hope you took advantage of it! And I’d love to know what you all have been up to lately.