10 Things to do When Procrastinating on a Paper

I feel like blogs these days are all focused on self-improvement, tips to make your life easier/better, and tricks to being more productive in your daily life. And like, that’s great and all. But sometimes you don’t want to be the best version of yourself. Some days you want to eat an entire carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream and watch Netflix and just ignore every other responsibility you have. And I think those days deserve some attention too, don’t you? So if you have a big paper due tomorrow, or a project to finish for work, and you are really not feeling it right now, here are 10 things you can do instead of being a responsible adult that are guaranteed to have future you still awake at 3am crying  and cursing your name.

  1. Click away from that mostly empty Google Docs page and take some shitty selfies on your computer.what to do instead of being a responsible adult
  2. Remember that you really work better when you have music playing and turn on the Hamilton soundtrack, starting from the beginning of course.
  3. Once you’ve finished bawling your eyes out over Hamilton (could you fucking not Eliza? Jesus), realize that may have been a mistake and turn Psych on on Netflix instead. You know, as background noise.
  4. Type out a few words on that mostly empty Google Doc and then reward yourself with lunch, because how can you be expected to be productive on an empty stomach? Get that nutritional motivation, girl. I’ve found gummy bears to be a solid choice.
  5. While making lunch you will inevitably notice all the dishes left in your sink, and everybody knows a productive mind starts with a clean work space. So you should probably wash those dishes; it will help unclutter your mind and all that.
  6. While doing the dishes you clean a few wine glasses, which reminds you that you have Smirnoff Vodka Ice in the fridge, which reminds you of that Hemingway quote you read on Goodreads that one time about writing drunk and editing sober. And Hemingway is still taught in schools and shit so you should probably trust him on that, am I right?
  7.  Turn writing into a drinking game and take a drink after every finished paragraph. Then remember that the vodka ice is like 8% alcohol and drink every couple of sentences instead. Also drink anytime Shawn pretends to have a vision, because we all know you’re still watching Psych, okay?
  8. Remember that you really do all of your best thinking in the shower and decide to plan out what you are  going to write sitting on the floor of the tub.
  9. Once you run out of hot water and are forced out of the shower you might as well go ahead and make dinner because its been a few hours and seriously productivity does not happen when you’re hungry.
  10. Write a blog post because it’s Monday and that’s a thing you were supposed to do today and it is definitely just as important as that paper you have due tomorrow.

I may or may not have a 5 page paper on what historians mean when they say Early Modern Europe was enchanted an whether or not the Reformation actually disenchanted it (spoilers: nope) due tomorrow that I haven’t really super started yet. Maybe.